"this is that you were made for."

today, i shared a very startling revelation with someone. 

it's about what makes your heartbeat. i've really been seeing this grow in me since despo, and that's exciting. 

"this is what you were made for."

 far too often, i get caught up in the lies i've believed for so long about myself. lies that hinge on the belief that i am not worth love, forgiveness, dreams, a future-- really when it all boils down, the lie that i don't deserve life. 

 but the thing is, i wasn't made to believe in words spoken that shattered dreams or the whispers of an enemy unseen. i wasn't made for disease and bondage and accidents and brokenness. 

 i was made to have a heartbeat. i was made to run, and dance, and praise. i was made to come alive. 

 i was made to be worthy, to sing to and be sung over by my Creator. i was made to fight the lies, to fight the disease. i was made to love. and with that, it would be wrong for me to live guarded.. so i don't want to anymore. i want to be guilty of being reckless--of loving too freely, of hoping for things far beyond what i can see, of dreaming dreams too big for my earthly strength to reach--freely giving away that which does not belong to me. (that being every part of me.)

 because i am not my own.

 but i don't belong to my disease and my failure and my brokenness. 

 i belong to the One that fixes all of that. and then makes me new. 

my heart beats for the moments i spend being surprised by the greatness that He has for me. SERIOUSLY?! He has greatness for me? that's the revelation. a newcrazyexcitinglifebreathingrevelationstirringinme. that's the cry of my orphaned, broken heart. not just that He fixes it. but that He makes it come alive in Him. that He becomes me heartbeat. and that He fills me with dreams and desires far beyond my own. and that those desires, His desires for me become the only thing that makes my heart beat.

so that i can do much more than this (though this is a start).

so that i can do what i was made for.

(and yes, i know a lot of this is ending sentences with prepositions.. it just sounded better. so i'm breaking my own rule.) just deal. :)