i am alive.

today I choose to be glad.

2011-10-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was talking to my friend who went to the Chris Tomlin concert on Wednesday night. She was given a last minute opportunity to use a free ticket and I had “jokingly” whined about her good fortune since finding out. But we all know in those moments that “joking” is probably laced with some real, even if minor, jealousy. I had asked around if anyone had an extra ticket, and I was pretty

My Unspiritual Thoughts About Worship. (Part 2)

2011-10-05T16:04:00.000-07:00

God showed up on Sunday. But then again, He does every week. We welcome Him, we expect Him, and it’s our intention that everything we do on the platform merely sets the tone for Him to be center stage. I feel the weight of responsibility every Sunday. Not because I think it’s my “job” to get kids to hear God or “create a moment.” Ugh. No. The very thought of that resting

My unspiritual thoughts about Worship. (Part 1)

2011-10-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I’m going to actually tell you my unspiritual idea, but today I’m going to build a little context. Here at New Life, we split our kids into kinderBASE (4&5 year olds), BASE12 (1st and 2nd grade), BASE34 and BASE56. I have the great privilege and responsibility of overseeing the worship in all those rooms. So on any given Sunday, I usually

today.

2011-05-06T20:35:00.001-07:00

today could have, should have, would have been my graduation day. today's the day i could have made a lot of people proud. today's the day i should have been working toward since i first stepped foot on the VFCC campus. today's the day that i would have beaten all the odds stacked against me. but today i worked at new life. today i babysat the andersons. today i did pneumatology correspondence

day 5. perspective.

2010-12-06T22:32:00.000-08:00

i had an interesting conversation yesterday.

day 4. dear,

2010-12-05T20:23:00.001-08:00

saturdays are crazy days. i always end saturday scratching my head wondering how the week is beginning again. likewise, i decided that saturday would be a time for reflecting upon where a relationship that i once valued above most others has gone. what i ended up with was a letter. while deeply personal, i have a feeling it would be hard for most to pinpoint the person to whom it's penned-- but

day 3. thankful.

2010-12-04T22:37:00.000-08:00

there is such a peace that comes with the Lord's timing-- walking through life along His ordered steps, letting Him have the space to move, allowing your journey to align with His bigger Story. i've heard that often and practiced it little, but i can already see how doing that in this season, through this journey is making is letting God move. God breathe into me. God speak. last night at the

day 2. hope and a future.

2010-12-03T22:53:00.000-08:00

certain situations and experiences have shaped my perspective. and my perspective created the amanda there is today. for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. during all staff yesterday, as i reflected on my conversation from the night before, the Lord showed me a lot about how i've used situations where i've felt abandoned, and experiences where i felt threatened to color the

day 1. i think.

2010-12-02T20:12:00.000-08:00

i think i was hasty. i think i jumped the gun. i think that had i thought things through, my bold, public statement about my journey through the 25 days of christmas would have been nixed. i think i didn't think. and i know that's exactly what needed to happen. i'm a private person. i think through everything. i don't let the world into my heart. i don't share what's really going on in me. i

twentyfive days of christmas

2010-11-30T22:43:00.000-08:00

i am not the amanda that i was a year and a half ago. something swiftly and soundly died in me about 17 months ago. sometimes that's what happens: death happens so that life can take shape. i am not an "adult", graduated, married-- whole, healed and happy. i am not the amanda i thought i would be. i am also not the amanda that lived in a hospital 2 years ago. i am not the amanda that looked at

psalm 23

2009-10-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

"though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death; i won't fear. because You're with me..." psalm 23:4i've come to see that His hand was with me through the last year and a half when life seemed the darkest. we walked through death together, and He brought me to the other side. and now..."You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies..." psalm 23:5it's so hard to reconcile

spiral theory

2009-08-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

“i just can’t give up now. i’ve come too far from where i started from..nobody told me this road would be easy,but i don’t believe He’s brought me this far to leave me.” it’s easy. unbelief is easy. doubt.. it’s easy. the road without the struggle, yes, that’s the easy route. even as i began to write this, my heart aches for a road map. hearing the voice of God is much more difficult than reading

"this is that you were made for."

2009-07-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

today, i shared a very startling revelation with someone. it's about what makes your heartbeat. i've really been seeing this grow in me since despo, and that's exciting. "this is what you were made for." far too often, i get caught up in the lies i've believed for so long about myself. lies that hinge on the belief that i am not worth love, forgiveness, dreams, a future-- really when it all

i am.

2009-07-24T01:55:00.001-07:00

i am alive. my story, every line that i write, is indicative of the most amazing thing that happened throughout the last year of my life... i lived. my heart limped, my car somersaulted, my body failed, my soul ached, my resolve wavered, and my faith fell. but i lived. my God seemed indifferent, my disease all-powerful, my friends distant, my family defeated, and my future uncertain. and i